| |
|
|
| 10:32pm 18/06/2009 |
| |
mood:  determined
|
Being on the verge of my 25th birthday, i have been thinking about alot of things....
What am i gonna do for a life-fulfilling career? (and why haven't I done that yet?)
Will my bills get paid? (specifically with my life-fulfilling career)
Will it stop feeling like i am a starving College Student? (especially since I've been outta school for 3 years)
Should i go back to school? (and if so, What for?)
-------
Besides all of that, i have been getting reacquainted with my roots (aka- living with my parents again) sorta finding the things from my childhood that i used to love, and trying to get my head on straight... since i feel like I've been looking at the world a little lopsided for the past 3 if not 12 years!
I suppose that coming into the 2nd quarter of a century I have had some reflections on my past. And many regrets (which i always try to live without but can't seem to avoid) and i guess to start afresh into my 25th year and for the rest of my life i am trying to clear that up... even if that is just by recognizing the faults I have made in the past.
I regret...
The fact the i am good at setting goals, but not reaching them
that I was always angry for my friends not appreciating me, when i probably didn't express my own appreciation for them very well (and that is something i have done since High school)
that i didn't challenge myself enough
that i allowed desperation and bitterness to infect me to the point that i would use selfish, dishonest and possibly "aggressive" tactics to get what i wanted.
I use the word "Hate" when i really mean dislike, unsure, or even that something just irritates me.
that i feel like i haven't always been as supportive of my friends as i should be... as in face time at something my friends do. (At least i am pretty good at being emotionally supportive)
That i allowed myself to be pushed around and beaten so that i didn't follow my dreams and now have nothing to show for it.
that i have been unable to express to every single person that i have ever EVER called friend, that i always cherish them and the time we spent together... however small or even seemingly insignificant or bad, even if i didn't seem to or don't seem to now.
that i was always too bitter or jealous of certain people to actually take the time to get to know them and be friends... real friends.
that i still seem to have the little demon on my back that stops me from being happy for some people who are getting ahead of me (as in doing better in life)... which is something that is not me. I want everyone to be happy and get what they want/need in life.
---------
Basically, I don't feel that I have lived the past 25 years with honor, vigor, focus, and a bit of empathy (I'm not sure that is quite the word... but i guess I'm looking for something that means sympathetic and symbiotically with others...)and I plan on making a change for the better for my 25th birthday and beyond.
I hope that I can accomplish this--- wish me luck!! |
|
| |
|
(3 chomps | Bite Me!) |
| |
| has nothing changed since last year? |
|
|
| 09:26pm 07/05/2009 |
| |
mood:  frustrated music: Southland Theme
|
It has been many months since i last updated here... and to me it seems like nothing has changed.
today was just one of those freaking days! Everything was going wrong. I could feel the electricity in the air from the incoming storm, but it wasn't like the electrical storm was happening. But everything was going haywire!
My computer was turning off and on. The website i was working on basically crashed and i FLIPPED OUT, especially since it is my job to keep this site updated. And i cant say i like this job to begin with. So here i am again, in a job i hate, working my ass off for little pay and alot of pain. Blah blah blah. HAHA.
Its just been a hell of a couple months... to tell you the truth, it has all been a big fat blur. I remember Christmas... and i remember moving back in with my rents to save money this march... and that is about it. lol.
All i know, is that I'm frustrated as hell. I really wanna have time... but i seem to always find distractions... now some are good. Like Dance, i love being back in the routine of dance.. even if it is only about 2 days a week. But as soon as I'm home, I'm grumpy again.
Its probably because besides really wanting to get some writing finished (and *fingers crossed* published) i also have had an urge to choreograph dances. And really that is not a sudden whim. I have been choreographing bits to music in my head all of time, but i figured it was one of those things that i would never do... i mean how could i, right?
But ever since I've been dancing at NSD, a dance school that a friend of mine owns and runs... i suddenly feel that i have a chance...and i WOULD LOVE TO! but at the same time, i don't know if she feels like she could hire me... for one good reason or another. I mean she has said nothing to me, and I'm sure she has plenty of choices for a dance instructor. I keep trying to let her know that i want the job... but i dunno. I mean i haven't had a good feeling about it. I just feel frustrated, and i figure that it's not going to happen. Which of course makes me feel down and lethargic and whatnot. I'll still dance, nothing will stop me there, but i just would love to work with these kids!
I guess I'm just tired of running in circles. I am really hoping that I can take some time to myself and really do what i need to, since i am "saving money" at home. Actually feel like i'm getting something accomplished or doing something that i really want to. It is kinda tough seeing my 25th birthday looming ahead, and knowing that others have made it so much farther by now.
Yeah yeah, don't compare yourself to others... but still I feel so far behind... |
|
| |
|
(1 chomp | Bite Me!) |
| |
| the pre-update |
|
|
| 11:24pm 16/07/2008 |
| |
mood:  energetic music: Speed Demon - Michael Jackson
|
Hey everyone!
Just letting you know i'm still settling in here in MA and soon will be settling into a new house with a friend of mine.
Much is going on... and in many degrees. Work, Friends, Money, dance, birthday coming up ..... MOVIES... the summer of all movies! woo!
Anyway... much to say in an update when i have a chance... so this is your warning that one will be coming. And i'm always available to be contacted if you so choose.
Cell is the same as always so feel free to call :-)
Later! |
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
| Get Ready.... |
|
|
| 03:03pm 20/04/2008 |
| |
mood:  sore music: Evil Angel - Breaking Benjamin
|
.... Come see me if you want to see me...
I'm counting the days...
Till i move home to MA. |
|
| |
|
(4 chomps | Bite Me!) |
| |
| hmmm... let me take a poll... or ask a Q. |
|
|
| 11:01pm 14/04/2008 |
| |
mood: curious
|
Ok,
So this might seem like a weird Q... but here goes!
If you wanted to make a decent paycheck but were looking for something so so... (as in not so career worthy), just something to help pay the bills, what around here (as in Long Island NY) would you think to get a job as?
Hopefully something more than minimum wage right? lol.
Well let me know.
Taking a bit of a survey. |
|
| |
|
(3 chomps | Bite Me!) |
| |
| APRIL FOOLS!!! |
|
|
| 12:08pm 02/04/2008 |
| |
mood:  amused
|
This is the best thing to happen on Dancing with the Stars..... ever!!! (well at least in a while!)
(you have to pass the intro... but the Encore Dance is amazing.... TRUST ME.. even for those who might not like dancing!)
Wait for it all to load and go to the dance.... i give you THE MAN TANGO!!!!!
Thank you Steve Guttenberg and Jonathan Roberts!!!
Hope everyone had a great April Fools Day! |
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
| YAY! |
|
|
| 06:12pm 23/03/2008 |
| |
mood: cheerful
|
P.S. Now i can eat meat! ANYONE UP FOR TACO BELL?! |
|
| |
|
(2 chomps | Bite Me!) |
| |
| FINALLY!!! |
|
|
| 01:41pm 20/03/2008 |
| |
mood: ecstatic music: Here comes the Sun - The Beatles
|
|
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
| random thought |
|
|
| 09:44am 17/03/2008 |
| |
mood: curious music: Skin - Breaking Benjamin
|
Why is it that we can't just call what we are eating what it really is...
You don't eat Cow... you eat Beef... It comes from cows.
You don't eat Pig... you eat Pork or Ham or Bacon.... it comes form Pigs.
You don't eat Deer... you eat Venison... I'm not even sure if they say that comes from deer lol.
AND YET! if you eat a bird, it doesn't have a funny name.
When you eat Chicken, you eat CHICKEN!! WHAT A CONCEPT! hahaha
Same with Turkey, Duck, and Goose. So what's wrong with Cows and Pigs and Deer.. and possibly others.
Don't be ashamed of your animal heritage! JUST BE YOURSELF!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you for allowing me my random time. |
|
| |
|
(6 chomps | Bite Me!) |
| |
| Phone Conclusion |
|
|
| 04:35pm 15/03/2008 |
| |
mood: bouncy music: Fortunate Son - CCR
|
HI everybody!
So in the end it was the towers.
Yesterday i was testing the signal on the way home... Because if i have a ton of service outside the house and then not in my apartment, there might be a bigger issue.
So i saw the signal slowly go down as i got closer the the house...... but then all of a sudden i had full service right in front of the house...
All i said was SHIT. But then i walked into my apartment and i still had service.... i walked all the way in to my computer and i had 3 BARS!!! all i could do was do a dance.
So i called my mom and everything was SO clear!!!
So it wasn't my phone... and it wasn't my sim card... it was T-mobile! which sucks... but it's fixed!!!!!!!!!!!
So call me all you want now! WEEEEEEEE!
Thanks for listening. |
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
| Phone Update |
|
|
| 04:18pm 13/03/2008 |
| |
mood: annoyed music: Wasting my Time - Default
|
Hey Y'all!
So I called T-mobile for the 2nd time this week.
I figured at this point it was cut and dry... i was gonna get a new phone.
BUT! then then lady checked on the service in this area... and found that there are Service Outages in places such as Manhattan (there are 2 tower outages there) Port Jeff, and QUEENS! now i don't live in any of these areas.. but that doesn't mean that the tower in one of these places isn't my PRIMARY TOWER...
Which means that even if i bought a new phone.. it probably wouldn't do me any good. So now my only option is to try to wait it out.
If in a few days i still have issues of service in certain areas... then I call them. Maybe at that point they can at least tell me WHEN the outages might be resolved (YES THIS DOES MEAN THAT WHEN I ASKED, THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHEN IT WOULD BE FIXED!). UNLESS of course if it has been resolved and i'm still having issues.
Then it deff is my phone and i will easily get another one.
I mean getting a new phone sounds fun and splitting off of my family plan would be STUPENDUS, but I suppose if i don't have to pay for a new phone (even at a partial discount) it might make my bank account feel better! haha.
More updates as they happen. |
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
| Phone issues |
|
|
| 02:52pm 11/03/2008 |
| |
mood:  accomplished music: Who'll Stop the Rain - CCR
|
So.... there is deffinately something wrong with my phone....
BUT we don't know what yet... could be internal damage to the phone (i.e. i need a new phone)....
Or its the sim card (meaning i just need a new sim card... no big.)
Problem is... i can't do anything without my sisters persmission, because her name is on the plan.
GOOD THING is... i've already contacted her about it... so she just needs to let me know that i now have full authorization over new products that can be purchased on our plan! YIPPIE...
So although my phone will turn off and on at random... get signal but not really be able to make or take calls... go silent either in the ear or the mouth ... and not allow me to get my messages or let my friends get messages i leave them (plus no service at my house)... so obviously people have trouble getting in touch with me!
BUT! i am making progress to getting some sort of FIX to this!
SO i am happy enough! Soon Enough people can get in touch with me whenever they (*cough* I ) want (them) to. TEEHEE!.... Like if someone needed a ride to the hospital! i would get that call easily..... *rolls eyes* *guilty*
Anyway... there is my update!
Post again when things are resolved! |
|
| |
|
(1 chomp | Bite Me!) |
| |
| TAKE IT EASY, PEOPLE! |
|
|
| 03:21pm 28/02/2008 |
| |
mood: frustrated music: THE RED- Chevelle
|
So,
I've decided that many people in the general public.... just need to calm the F down!
Their is so much unnecessary anger out there, and today, i almost got caught in the middle of it.
Now a friend of mine (though i'm not sure how long that will last if this keeps up) has some serious issues ... and just for safety sake, i will mention that it is not anyone that even knows about Livejournal, let alone reads my posts.
So here is the low-down. She is always complaining about this or that... usually PEOPLE and their Ignorant or Ni***r ways, and that could be anybody - Indians, African Americans, PRs, Suits, Carribean Americans... and so on,... she seems to have a problem with everyone... myself included i'm sure (considering that she has to nit-pick my face and the fact that i don't wear make-up often.... UGH). But really... this incident makes me realize (solidify more like since i've been feeling this for a while) That she is a complete and utter disgusting HYPOCRITE!!!!!
So Here is the setting for today... we are already on our to being late from lunch... so she is already a bit tense (she was driving) and suddenly this Black Escalade comes into our lane.... now He didn't signal, but technically he had the room to move and i'm pretty sure he made a "sorry" gesture in his mirror when she pounded on her horn. SO just to be clear... she didn't almost hit him... she didn't slam on her breaks... she saw him clear as day moving into the lane in front of us... SUre He was being a jerk by not signaling or whatever... but it didn't justify this...
So she honked at him and he made his gesture at us (i still think he was saying he was sorry or something like oh well, thanks for letting me in) and i guess she could still see him in the mirror because she WOULD NOT STOP YELLING AT HIM...she had her window down and i'm pretty sure he could hear her... SHe was just screaming obscenities at him and flipping out like he had just killed her brother or something... i mean i just didn't understand where it was coming from. Her face was RED!
So i guess he got pissed at her honking and yelling... so he starts hitting his breaks... i mean STOP, GO, STOP, GO ... etc. So she gets angrier and she continues to scream and make Hispanic gestures at him... then she changes lanes to get ahead of him... and he SWERVES into our lane to try to stop us...
It just got RIDICULOUS! I mean i think he wouldn't have been a dick if she hadn't OVERREACTED! But the worst part is that... when he started with the breaks.... SHE WHIPPED OUT A KNIFE! like she was gonna get out at the next light and threaten him or slash his tires... i mean it got scary! I was so tense that i thought i was gonna blow chunks in her car....
I was so scared that either we were gonna get into an accident or that she was gonna start some kinda brawl that i didn't want to be in the middle of, that i really thought i was gonna lose my lunch!
So you can only imagine the relief i felt when he got ahead and got through a light that we didnt! i mean she was still calling him a fa**ot over and over and fingering her knife (the poor guy in the white sedan that pulled up next to us heard her... and i'm pretty sure he thought she was talking to him... cuz he rolled up his windows and heard him say WOAH while doing so).
I was just so glad it was over and that i could leave her and go back to my desk... I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO GET BACK TO WORK IN MY LIFE!!!
And all she could say for herself was "Man, if my brother was her... he woulda fu**ed that guy up!" then she laughed a bit.
WOW, way to set Puerto Ricans back a good 50 years.... it felt like i was gonna be in WEST SIDE STORY! the way she was acting...
Just for the record... the guy in the Escalade looked like a young White Executive. (i don't like people in escalades either but... SHEESH)
So you see what i was talking about? UPTIGHT and just all around ANGRY...
TAKE IT EASY!!!!!! GOOD GOD, most things (and i mean this for everyone) are not as bad as they seem at first glance. Just small inconveniences that go away with either a small amount of time... or a bit of careful planning...
BUT FOR GOODNESS SAKES! KEEP YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!! |
|
| |
|
(3 chomps | Bite Me!) |
| |
| Not that this matters to anyone.... |
|
|
| 11:23am 26/02/2008 |
| |
mood:  high music: "I'm so sick" - Flyleaf :-)
|
I suddenly remember why i stopped taking cold medicine...
I always have cold medicine on hand (rather in stock) at my apartment in-case of "emergency" or in-case i have a sick friend over or in need of medication...
But i notice that i rarely use it on myself... i will always choose homeopathic and organic remedies over the "i can't pronounce the ingredients" medicine.... and i'm also always open to riding it out!
But this time i was just tired of the sore throat, the sniffles, and the deafness! so i figured that even though i am starting to feel better, i could BOOST my chances of getting healthy...
BIG MISTAKE! haha
Took two little NyQuil gel-caps last night before bed... and i thought, wow i'll also get a good nights sleep. One this is true... the stuff knocked me out.... Problem was that at 7am when it was time to get up... it was still working! I could barely lift my arm to turn off my alarm let alone my head!
I stayed in bed longer than i should have and then everything felt like it was going in slow motion.... though it was just me.
I still forced myself to go to work... But i realize now that i never noticed the effects before cuz i usually only take the stuff when i'm really sick (meaning i spend the day in bed anyhow)!
The funny thing about it is that i don't think the medicine worked.
So now i am sniffly, deaf, and coughing (though my throat has been better lately) AND i'm high!
i caught myself staring at my cabinets and giggling saying "Ah, NyQuil".
Reminds me of the time i had some bad allergies back at Hofstra... so i took some allergy medication and when i got to my Graphic Design class it felt like the world was tilting the wrong way... though i think i was just leaning and not realizing it.... and yes i excused myself from class to sleep it off! haha.
*shakes head* I got some Tea to combat the sleepy affects, but now i'm just hyper, giggly, and still cloudy...
I must say... its an interesting experience... but in all seriousness, NOTE TO SELF, only medicate on the weekends!! |
|
| |
|
(9 chomps | Bite Me!) |
| |
| new years resolution? |
|
|
| 10:30am 19/02/2008 |
| |
mood: awake music: Up and Gone - Hoobastank
|
Is it too late to make another New Year's Resolution?
I know i said i was going to not take things for granted and always keep an optimistic outlook... and trust me... i'm keeping that one (or at least i'm working towards it)
But now i have realized that i have been an Idiot... probably for years if not forever.
I have be hurt before (in many respects) and i have become a cautious person... to the point where i over-think things. Which can be helpful and hurtful...
Well now i realize that it is more of the Latter than the Former! So if i'm being cautious so as to not get hurt, but i'm still getting hurt... WHAT IS THE POINT?
Why did i never see this before? Someone shoulda taken a shovel to my face AGES ago... It's like i've been in some sort of cloud!!!
It took a bit of a wake-up call yesterday (which in turn doesn't really matter what it specifically was... but it was enough) and that sent me to a place that .... well it was awful, and i don't like being there...
So i am climbing out, and although facing my fears and trying not to be so cautious will be a long path, i am going to do it!
I always say how bored i am... well maybe life wont be so boring when i start to take some Chances/risks! I gotta stop overprotecting myself
Its time for some adventure! (just might need a bit of help doing it!) |
|
| |
|
(1 chomp | Bite Me!) |
| |
| Did you know.... |
|
|
| 11:59am 13/02/2008 |
| |
mood:  shocked music: can't hear music... my brain is melting....
|
Did you know....
White Castle is having a Special Valentine's Day Special..
Where between the hours of 5 and 8 pm. You can go to White Castle and get a specially decorated table for a Candlelight dinner and a special menu with Table side service...
<.< >.> <.< ---- WHITE CASTLE??? WTF?
I do not want to know who would even think that white castle would be romantic .... "Here honey, here is some Tape Worm for Valentine;s day! Hope you like it!"
The girl who appreciates this... well, she either has low standards (and possibly no self-esteem) or she is WHITE TRASH! yes?
Haha. Now i don't celebrate Valentine's day, but i know... that even if i was making a mockery of the day... i would not go to white castle.
I'm a bit in shock of the radio commercial so you will have to excuse me.
???WHITE CASTLE?????? |
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
| *shakes head* |
|
|
| 11:55am 28/01/2008 |
| |
mood:  lethargic music: pretender - Foo Fighters
|
So many of my co-workers mistakenly call me DAWN....
.....that i am just gonna start taking it as a nickname! |
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
| I was feeling a bit fruity today..... |
|
|
| 02:12pm 25/01/2008 |
| |
mood: frustrated music: Mr. Brightside - the Killers
|
After a bad couple of hours... this cheers me up!!! and its so true... WEE.
| You Are a Strawberry | 
You are friendly, outgoing, and well liked by many people.
You are popular, but there's nothing you ordinary or average about you.
You a very interesting person, and you have many facets to your personality.
Sometimes you feel very conflicted. Your different sides of your personality pull at you.
You are a very sensual and passionate person. You are fiery... you can't help it.
In general, you keep your passionate side under wraps. You are only wild in private. |
|
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
| Couldn't help myself.... but doesn't mean that i will... |
|
|
| 11:04am 22/01/2008 |
| |
mood: thoughtful music: Ballad of John and Yoko - The Beatles
|
| Who You Should Vote For | 
Mike Gravel: 81%
Dennis Kucinich: 75%
John Edwards: 75%
Barack Obama: 63%
Hillary Clinton: 50%
Ron Paul: 44%
John McCain: 38%
Rudy Giuliani: 38%
Mike Huckabee: 25%
Fred Thompson: 19%
Mitt Romney: 13%
Who you agree with on the war in Iraq: John Edwards, Dennis Kucinich, Mike Gravel, and Ron Paul
Who you agree with on the economy: Rudy Giuliani, Mike Huckabee, John McCain, Ron Paul, and Fred Thompson
Who you agree with on health care: Mike Gravel, Rudy Giuliani, Mike Huckabee, John McCain, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Fred Thompson
Who you agree with on taxes: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John Edwards
Who you agree with on abortion: Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Mike Gravel, Dennis Kucinich, Barack Obama, and Rudy Giuliani
Who you agree with on gay rights: Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Rudy Giuliani, Mike Gravel, Dennis Kucinich, and Barack Obama |
|
|
| |
|
(Bite Me!) |
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
fruitfly20's journal
sad